jam
Kamis, 25 September 2025
THERE'S NOTHING PERFECT FAMILY
Rabu, 24 September 2025
output error ! ! ! too much and too hurt
lah?
emang bener
gue ngilang juga lu ga bakal nyariin
mungkin emang dari cerita yang udah-udah, i saw the pattern
bahwa ada orang yang confess ke lu, dan lu fine2 aja dia pergi?
bahwa ada orang yang udah terlalu deket sama lu, tapi di satu titik lu ga ada topik apa pun?
dan lu rela cut-off dia?
bahwa ada orang yang ngejer-ngejer lu dan lu bilang bodoamat?
emang orang apatis kayak lu, apa yang bisa gue harapin dari menjalin hubungan?
(meskipun dalam konteks ini pertemanan)
lu bilang lu mengakui bahwa mungkin emang lu apatis
tapi lu masih ada empati dan simpati?
gue harap meski gue ga bisa liat yang wujudnya itu sama sekali
that i ever cross your mind!
mungkin..
mungkin aja..
ada kemungkinan bahwa emang OUTPUT ERROR dari semua interaksi ini
karena adanya masalah sama attachment gue, loneliness gue dan insecurity gue?
Ya, OUTPUT ERROR
karena seharusnya ga terjadi dan ada menurut akal orang sehat
output error..
nangis saat sadar lu ga pernah peduli dan kepo sama gue
sedih liat lu enggan ngobrol sama gue dibanding sama orang lain
penasaran kabar dan kondisi lu di saat lu gapernah peduli sama kabar gue
LU! LU! LU TERUS! alias mikirin lu 24/7!
ga bisa tidur sialan cuman gara-gara mikirin lu!
ambil nih waktu gue buat lu!
cemburu sialan ga berdasar
+ etc
output error ini membuat gue sering berpikir gue udah setergila-gila itu ya?
padahal lu ga worth it sama sekali👎
Jumat, 19 September 2025
CONFUSE.. SO I JUST WRITE IT DOWN!
33x by perunggu-playing
entah harus memulai darimana penulisan di blogspot ini setelah sekian abad sejak terakhir menulis disini..
tapi ini soal CONFUSING MY FUTURE
i just spent more than 1 hour for searching information about aupair and ausbildung in germany. actually i had willing to go to germany since i was in shs. at that time i also wrote that i wanna continue my study in germany and take architecture major :"D. dreaming is free. but actualize it is really hard. believe that yourself can make it is the most difficult things. how silly i am to dream about that and noting action to make it happen. i remember clearly when my friends read my dream in my notesbook, they act like "whoaa", girls??it still be my dream. how can you guys act as you guys think that im cool?
back then to germany. i've strong admire to germany's architectual buildings.
i just graduated from uni, took psychology.. and.. i dont know what to do rn fr. even applying for jobs doesnt seems interesting for me. can i have a job that relate to my major? can i? and if i can get the job which is related to my major, then, can i enjoying my job? being corporate employee x-x
i think for taking this decision, go to germany and taking aupair program is the best decision that i'll never regret. why? because im still young and dumb, hehe.
alexandra by hindia-playing
~jalanmu berat, seumur hidup.
semoga ada, bara yang tersisa~
btw sorry for my broken english writing skills, i love myself so im gonna improve soon. xoxo